Thursday, March 10, 2005

The Willies and the Madness

My work moved offices a few weeks back. While the location is fantastic (I think I’ve mentioned the bridge that goes from the front door of our building directly to Nordstrom, haven’t I?), the office leaves something to be desired. We are pretty much squatters in an abandoned office at the moment. You laugh – but really, that’s what we are. We are a non-profit so we get housed in whatever sponsor has office space for us. The last company that we lived with moved to a smaller space and didn’t have room for us, so off we went in search for new digs. Unfortunately, the apparently lush and fabulous new digs that we are going to live in eventually are not going to be available until May or June, which left us homeless for a few months. Another sponsor then offered us offices in their old office spaces that were just sitting there empty. So here we are. In one little corner of a crappy, mid-nineties “hip office” style (Green walls and pseudo art deco floors) suite of offices on the 2nd floor of a building with a great locale.

Because all these offices used to belong to one company, it’s not like we are a contained area. We have our little area, but then there is this long hallway of unused offices that leads to large areas of darkened abandoned cubicles. Needless to say, it’s a little freaky.

So today Marsi my office mate confided to me that she had this strange thought when passing the dark hallway of what if, out of the corner of your eye, you *think* you see something skitter by. Not like a mouse.. but like a person.

Like in “SIGNS” where they are out in the cornfield and in the strobe of the flashlight they see just the ankle of an alien as it disappears in the stalks.


Now let me just tell you, Aliens FREAK THE SHIT OUT OF ME. I’ve lived with a ghost, so they don’t bother me (even though Jason’s hopes and dreams of me becoming a true “camper” were dashed after I saw “The Blair Witch Project”). I would LOVE to meet a Vampire because they all seem so cool and they have these big parties with other vampires in abandoned meat packing facilities and wear tight leather outfits and dance to techno music. But ALIENS. EEEEEEKKKK! They SCARE ME. TO DEATH.

I think my irrational fear of aliens stems back from when I was about 7 or 8. I was still young and impressionable but I was old enough that my parents were not strictly monitoring my television watching, and I came across the movie Communion with Christopher Walken on HBO. It must have been the first time that I ever pondered the thought of aliens and their existence and definitely the first time that I ever heard that they abduct people and do strange things with PROBES to defenseless humans who minutes before were sleeping soundly in their beds.

I remember sitting frozen on the couch, clutching something – too mortally freaked out to turn the channel or say something until my Dad noticed what I was watching and turned off the television. Too late. I was already scarred for life. To this day the mere mention of aliens or Christopher Walken sends me into a blood pressure inducing panic.

I know… everyone loves Christopher Walken. He’s “The Continental” and he dances funny in the Fat Boy Slim video. But no – I will never see him as anything but the scary man who was abducted by aliens.

So I was sharing my madness with Marsi (giving myself SUCH the willies just THINKING about aliens and CW) and we had another thought. What if, at that very moment, Christopher Walken stuck his head around the door of our office and said “Hello, Ladies.”


That shit could really happen!

Hey, if my life was a bad network sitcom it would.