Saturday, April 30, 2005

if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down

So every once in awhile, I get these emails forwards “you we’re a little girl in the 70’s if…” that describe all the things that we had or coveted in our early years. Things like the ribbon barrettes, sticker books, and easy bake ovens (can you tell me how we ALL didn’t die of salmonella after eating cakes baked by a light bulb?!). I received one of these emails recently, and the one line that jumped out at me most was the line:

“You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about Aerobics”

Yes, I will admit that I thought it was. And, I also danced around listening to that song with purple legwarmers on.

Everyone has some random bizarre “superpower” – something that is totally un-useful, but if you ever became a member of a rag tag crime fighting group, this would be your contribution. Well, my superpower is the ability to memorize lyrics. I can still vividly remember being in 3rd grade and my yelling at me that she “can’t understand how I know all the lyrics to all of the Madonna songs, but I can’t memorize my multiplication tables.” So obviously, this was a god-given ability that I was born with. Yes, I know you are all jealous.

So given this talent at an early age, I would always sing along to songs on the radio. I loved Madonna, and I loved Prince (who doesn’t?!) and although I was not allowed to watch the movie Purple Rain, I was allowed to listen to his music, and one of my favorite songs was Prince’s, um.. “Atlantic City.”

A lyric my parents never bothered to correct. See, to a 7/8 year old, the word “erotic” doesn’t exist (THANK GOD), but I knew that Atlantic City was real place, and that’s what I thought they were singing about. In my young mind, that song was a story about people going to Atlantic City to make babies (hehehehehe) and when they combed their hair, lots of goo got in their eyes. HEY – it was the HEYDAY of Depp Gel, and hair did have a lot of goo in it!

So while writing this post today, I did a quick google on the song “erotic city” to see if it was indeed on the Purple Rain album (In fact, it was not – it was a B-Side, dance club hit, of Prince’s “let’s go crazy”). Well, I love Google – and I love all of the 15,000 websites out there with Prince lyrics posted on them. While *memorizing* lyrics is my superpower, my kryptonite is mumbled singing and hard to hear over too much base/drums words. And apparently being too young to understand what certain words are, so substituting them with words I do know. So I’m looking at this site that has the lyrics to Let’s Go Crazy, I realize that Prince is a MOTHERFUCKING GOD. He is a genius and I heart him.

So I leave you today will the immortal words of Prince – take them to heart, read them, love them and please don’t yell at me that the song is stuck in your head the rest of the weekend.

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today 2 get through this thing called life

Electric word life It means forever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here 2 tell u

There's something else - The afterworld

A world of never ending happiness U can always see the sun, day or night

So when u call up that shrink in Beverly HillsU know the one - Dr Everything'll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby

'Cuz in this lifeThings are much harder than in the afterworld
In this life- You're on your own

And if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down
Go crazy - punch a higher floor

Friday, April 29, 2005

LaLaLa - Good For Boys Too!

Friday night plans were to have dinner with our good friends the Magee's (Danielle and "other" Jason) then while the boys were off to see the "Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe", Danielle and I sat on the couch, drank wine, ate ice cream and talked about “our Jasons”.

After the movie, “other” Jason was telling me how much he enjoys my blog. He did say that when I got a little girly and started talking about jeans he doesn’t really “get it”. Then he admitted if when he read these posts he just substituted the word “jean” with “Xbox” and it all made sense to him.

I think my new tagline will be:
LaLaLa – an equal opportunity blog.

HOW CUTE IS THIS KID (volume 465)

did you check out the shoes? Posted by Hello

And Today's JACKASS award goes to...

METHUEN, Mass. - Two men who claimed in numerous national television interviews that they found buried treasure in the back yard of a home were arrested early Friday after being questioned by police, who said the money was stolen.

Investigators believe Barry Billcliff, 27, of Manchester, N.H., and Timothy Crebase, 22, of Methuen, Mass., found the old bank notes and bills while doing roofing work
Both men were charged with receiving stolen property, conspiracy and accessory after the fact, Lt. Kevin Martin said. They were to be arraigned Friday morning.

Crebase told investigators the men found the money in the gutter of a barn they were hired to repair, police said.

Anonymous tip“We got an anonymous tip two days ago,” Capt. Kris McCarthy told the Eagle-Tribune newspaper of Lawrence. “These guys are roofers. They found the money on the job site. They story after that was all made up.”

The men said they found 1,800 bank notes and bills dating between 1899 and 1928 while digging in the yard of the house of a friend, Kevin Kozak.

The materials had a face value of about $7,000. Domenic Mangano, owner of the Village Coin Shop in Plaistow, N.H., examined the find and estimated its value between $50,000 and $75,000.

The men’s stories, though, attracted suspicion because of discrepancies. The depth of the buried crate, for example, ranged from 9 inches to 2 feet.

The men also gave conflicting reasons for digging in the back yard. They told one reporter they were preparing to plant a tree. In other reports, they said they were trying to remove a small tree or dig up the roots of a shrub that was damaging the home’s foundation.

The men made several appearances on national television this week, but police noticed details of the story changed with each appearance.

Fame led to downfall?Police Chief Joseph Solomon told ABC’s “Good Morning America” that authorities might never have suspected anything had the men not sought publicity.

“Sometimes wanting to be famous is really the downfall of people,” Solomon said.
Billcliff insisted the discrepancies could be explained.

“It’s like watching a car accident,” he told the Eagle-Tribune newspaper. “Sometimes someone will say something and someone else will say something slightly different, but mostly it’s the same.”

© 2005 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
© 2005


Thursday, April 28, 2005

The Funny Thing About Puke and How it Relates to Deep Fried Twinkie Consumption and the South Beach Diet

The bizarre thing that I’ve noticed over the past few days of being sick to my stomach, my first reaction is to want to eat. Eat something greasy or carb loaded. Which is SO NOT what my stomach wants.

First off, my stomach has been in need of ridding itself of anything that comes within 3 ft of it. And now a piece of bread a ½ bowl of chicken soup makes me feel like I just feasted like a 300lb Cal Trans worker at Home Town Buffet after a long day of laying asphalt. So why? Why does my stomach say “head for the toilet- QUICK!” and mind think “God I need to get a cheeseburger”??

Then it hit me. The majority of times in my life that I have had cause to throw-up have been when I have drank like fish the night before, or when my body was adjusting to the violent hit of growing another human being inside of it. Both, ailments which were helped by the act of eating something to sooth the stomach. And preferably eating something baked and/or covered in grease.

Yes, I even ate a deep fried twinkie at 12 weeks along, and MAN WAS IT GOOD.

So far, this fun little number the Dr likes to call “gastritis” has helped me to shed 6lbs. The same amount that I lost in phase 1 of the South Beach Diet. Still not sure which way is easier…

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Out of the Mouths of Men

Since my child is not old enough yet to say anything other than “mmeeememmmeemmmeeee” and “BA!”, I’ve decided to share with you the funny, laugh out loud things that my husband says to me (when appropriate).

Here is entry #1 of this new, fun topic.

This morning, marking the forth day since the vomiting began, as I’m hunched over in massive abdominal pain while trying to ingest a piece of toast while not simultaneously purging it from my body through any open orifice, Jason turns to me and says:

“Hey – are you going to make that chicken curry anytime this week?”

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

I Hate Mommy, I Hate..

So over the weekend we were listening to a re-broadcast of one of those lame-o morning shows. They were doing this bit called "I hate" where people called up and said what they hated.. it was kinda funny, one girl called in to say that she hated that "her parents were not rich". HA.
Yea, don't we all.

I want to know what you hate. Tuesdays suck more than Mondays b/c it's still early in the week but not early enough to see the weekend.

So for Tuesday, I hate:
The fact that I have vomited up everything I have eaten for the past 48 hours.
That I have a fever and alternate between freezing and sweating my balls off (yes, I know that I don't have balls - but if I did, they would have sweated away by now)
That I'm antibiotics AGAIN
That the Drs have no clue what or where my "bacterial infection" is or is attacking - but that its just there making my life HELL.
And last but not least.. I felt better for 10 minutes and actually got a little hungry, so I ate something and now I think I'm going to yak again...

on that note, I'm off...

Friday, April 22, 2005

Welcome to the world Isla McKay!

And CONGRATS Shelagh, Jano and big bro Declan on your new little princess! Posted by Hello

btw - how many of you ladies out there are popping an egg and squealing while getting complete and total weakjaw (the slack jaw that you get when something adorable like puppies in sweaters) right now? Yea, now yesterday's post is slightly more understandable, huh?


Okay, when I posted the other day I’m ready for #2, I really meant in theory… not that I went home the other night with the goal of making a baby.

I guess my feelings have changed about having a second baby. If you would have asked me a few months ago I would have said “HELL NO.” I looked at women that were “with child” and felt sorry for them. The thoughts of breastfeeding and waking up every 3 hours at night to feed made me cringe, and the morning sickness.. ugh. ((shver)) The thought was too horrendous to even imagine..

But now, I don’t know.. the sweet smell of the little babies, the snuggles, the little hands..

Yet, I am still a practical person. I SO don’t want to be pregnant again over the time frame that I was last time (june – march) and we do need to move b/c this place is WAY too small for 4 people and a dog.

So while I’m mentally ready to do it all over again … Don’t look for any blog “NEWSFLASHES” anytime soon…

Thursday, April 21, 2005

My dreams of being the techno-savvy chick – CRUSHED

Last night we were driving in the car and our local “alt rock” station 91X ACTUALLY played a good song (you know – one that that has not been played 15 times in the last 2 hours.) The song was BattleFlag by the Low Fidelity Allstars – one of those great songs that was truley underplayed.

So I whip out my new MOTHER OF ALL CELL PHONES and use the “jotter” feature to “graffiti” in – “Battleflag – lo fi allstars”. Yes! I was so proud of myself. Now I was going to have a great start to my “must download list” on my phone and HOW TECHNO COOL WAS THAT?

So this morning, sitting as my desk and playing with iTunes (yes, I do have better things to do, but I was procrastinating. Oh and note-to-self, maybe make a ‘work appropriate’ playlist as to not have “can a nigga get a table dance blurt out from your computer at work)- I look at my jotter list on my phone, pull up the iTunes store and type it in – ready to download and listen to this song over and over. It’s a good angry song too, would be a good addition to the work-out list…

Then I realize that iTunes is no longer searching. In fact, it’s done. And it’s come up with NOTHING.


iTunes does not have 1 song by LFAS. It does have other songs called Battleflag, but sadly these are revolutionary war songs or music numbers from Battlestar Gallactica.

Stupid iTunes.

Going # 2

This week has killed me. As you can see by my lack o’ posts, I have been extremely busy. Here’s the deal, I actually got a promotion at work (YAY ME), but I’m still working 30(or so) a week. SO, what does that mean? It means 60 hours of work in 30 instead of the 45-50 that I was used to.

Yes, I am lucky that I can still keep my 30 hour a week schedule. I love it. I don’t think that I could go back to 5 days in the office. Even though, as I’ve stated here before, there are times when my Mondays and Fridays with Lucas are WAY HARDER than if I was in the office. But for the most part, our Ms and Fs have been pretty nice and tantrum free lately. We have been truly lucky, Lucas is a fabulous baby. He has lots of little quirks (like his willfulness and determination) but all in all he is an amazingly wonderful child. And now that he’s over 1, THAT question keeps getting asked:

“So, when’s number 2?!”


So here’s the deal, if I found out tomorrow that Bill Gates is really my father and he is dying and leaving me all his money, I would have 5 or 8 kids. I would birth my own and adopt – I would be thrilled to give a wonderful life to as many children as possible. But since we are not gazillionaires and we STILL don’t own a $500,000 “fixer upper” in the Ghettos of San Diego, I’m weary of having another child.

Okay, let’s take a strep back. That is one of the MANY reason’s that the whole “#2” remains a question in my mind. Here are a few more:
1) My body still has not recovered from the trauma of pregnancy
2) I was very ill and that memory is still PAINFULLY fresh
3) My job, I’ve figured out how to do it well with 1 kid, but it took a while to get it right. How will I do with 2 kids?
4) DIAPERS. I hate them. They are expensive and they SUCK
5) Since Lucas has been so good, I’m sure that our next will be a colicky hellion that refuses to sleep – EVER
6) Can we really afford to have another one?
7) I would love a baby girl – will I be disappointed with another boy?
8) We’re having fun again, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to “do it all again”…

So many questions fill my mind.. so many doubts and fears. Then yesterday I get a call from one of my best friends Shelagh who now lives in Corpus Christi. The first words were “It’s a girl..”

Yesterday at about 12:50 Shelagh gave birth to a healthy 6.15 lbs baby girl that they named Isla Mckay (pronounced in the Gaelic way “eye-la”). Instantly it hit me.

I’m ready for number 2.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Technology Overload

Last week I got both both a new cell phone and an iPod. This week, I'm in technology overload.

This cell phone I got isn't just any cell phone, it's the mother of all cell phones - it actually gave birth to your cell phone.. and nursed it. That's how massive this is. It's the Sony-Ericsson P910, its my palm, phone and blackberry PLUS it takes pictures and VIDEO clips. This phone will do things that I will never know how to do. How do I know this? Because a week later and I still have problems just using it as a phone. I'm telling you - ALL I want is a new ringtone. That's all.

After 45 minutes testing new ring tones, I finally narrowed it down to the cool Franz Ferdinand song (the ring was actually the cool transition in the beginning of the song) and the 90's techno song "blue". See, I think a ring tone says a lot about you. While I would L-O-V-E to have Fiddy Cent's "candyshop" sing out every time I got a call from my Nanny or Mom, it's so very highly inappropriate in a corporate setting. So after FORT YFIVE minutes of this, I realized that stupid Cingular doesn't even have my phone listed.. sigh. I saved myself $5 and moved onto iTunes... where I then spent said saved $5.

So, I don't really get iTunes and the whole iPod thing. Everyone has one, but you can't share your music if you want to put it in anylist or anything..You can't use Napster (the subscription service) so outside of your own CD's, you bound and changed to iTunes. Really? Are we sure there is not another way? And you need to save all these songs on your computer and the device? Precious storage space on your computer? Doesn't make sence to me.

Regardless, away I went with my downloading and organizing.

My main objective was to make a really good workout list. A list that will get you pumped and ready to sweat. I saw a thing on Dateline a few week's back about Bush's workout playlist; all country with Van Morrison Brown Eyed Girl. How I SO wanted him to have "Can a Nigger get a table dance" by 2 Live Crew...

Well, this got me thinking about my perfect workout playlist. The one I've put together is okay, not perfection though. It starts out with a little LL Cool J "Mama said Knock You Out," goes in to some Gwen Stafani "Rich Girl" (good fast beat), some more old school "Jump Around" (House of Pain was gloriously underrated) and someother basic songs. Then - about 25 minutes into it, I have "Bitch Betta' Have My Money." See, I LOVE this song. I'm a trendy white girl (ahem, woman now I guess..), I drive a big SUV, I'M A MOTHER and spend an ungodly amount of time obsessing over jeans and juicy sweatpants - would you EVER suspect that I have a penchant
for Gansta' rap?! Yea, I didn't think so.

To me, when the first bars of this song hits my ears, I smile.. then I say "ooohh yeaaaa.." I love when that song comes on because its so unexpected of me. And EVERYONE (inclusing Jason - still) gasps a little as I rattle off the opening lyrics of "Aint nothing like a black pussy on my dick - Word to the motherfucker DJ Quick!" The thought that the smelly old man on the elliptical next to me might actually hear what I'm listening to makes me laugh, thus taking my mind off the ensuing leg cramps. To me, it's an ultimate work-out song. Which got me thinking, what is other people's best motivational song and why?

So here is where you come in my friends, you out there on the internets, you 40+ hits A DAY that never post comments...


Or, share your workout or even favorite playlist... Since smelly old man would never guess what the girl in the Surf Diva tank top was listening to - I want to know what you are listening to.

Remember, sharing is caring...

File this one under “WHO THE FUCK KNEW?!”

So while I didn’t puke on Saturday night, yesterday was still pretty hard. We were tired and a little hung over from the festivities the night before. And while at the time the huge Mexican breakfast sounded and was AMAZING, I was having a little digestive issues later on in the day. Being out of my favorite Rolaids soft chews, I took a few chewable Pepto Bismols and went about the day of trying to stay awake.

This morning I get up and am brushing my teeth, I open my mouth and to my HORROR this is what I see:

OMG Posted by Hello


I’m freaking out. I call the nurse line with my insurance, their first question? “Have you taken Pepto Bismo in the last 24 hours?” Apparently, this is a normal side of the pink stuff that coats. REALLY?!

Yup – it’s even on the box:

Baby Jesus, who knew?!

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Oh What A Night Posted by Hello

Till The Break of Dawn..

Oh my.

So did we celebrate my 30th in style? HELL YES.

The Scene:
Candelas, downtown. Latin restaurant and club/lounge. Private area for dinner for 15. AMAZING mojitos that tasted like lemonade. Delicious dinner, 3 bottles of champagne, 6 bottles of wine and a dinner bill of about $1400. Yee Haw.

And that was all before 10 PM.

The Festivities:
By the end of dinner we were all toasty, time to party. Moved the par-tay over to the club area. Old party friends from Sea World days arrive. It's on. Neither Jason or I had a moment where we didn't have a drink. And we drank. Tequila shots, cosmo's, red bull/vodkas. No, I did not puke. How? Not so sure. Dancing..Cigarettes (because for some damn reason EVERY time this group parties, we feel the need to smoke. No answer why.. throw back to the smoking party days?) and the RANDOMNESS commences. Jason's 2nd cousin who we only see at funerals was there, we meet a girl who lives in our same complex.. just random drunkenness. It felt good. It felt good to be out and feel young and cool again.

Cab ride back to Kelly and Ians where babies are sleeping soundly... spend the night there... wake up this morning about 3 hours earlier than anyone would have liked, but oh well. It got our asses out the door for Ortega's DIVINE Mexican breakfast.

See the night deteriorate here...

We like to party. We. We. We like to party Posted by Hello

Friday, April 15, 2005

Party Poopers

Alas, there is always one in every group. My friends, it appears that I have a whacked-out crazy blog stalker who feels the need to leave anonymous rude comments about me, my husband, my child and my friends.


I just don't get why some people feel the need to comment rudely on other people's lives. I'm really sorry if this bitter man-hater thinks that I am the anti-christ because my life is (some what! HA!) together. I mean, why BOTHER commenting? Why bother coming back to my site again and again and spewing your ugliness? What is the point?!

On the flip side - I'm popular and I guess SO intriguing that even people that think I'm a materialistic bee-aatch who sits on my ass and just spends my husband's money on HOT ASS JEANS (a life I could really only dream about!) keep coming back for MORE BETH.

I'm too cool. :-)

Thursday, April 14, 2005

30, Flirty and Fun!

So my friends have all been teasing me about my apprehension on turning 30. They keep telling me to get over the Oil of Olay commercials and embrace the big 3-0h. I’ve heard comments such as “you are now mature, and people treat you with respect!” and “you are no longer a kid and people view you as a mature adult!”

They say that like I want to be seen as a mature adult..

So today is the day. It’s not like I just can’t turn 30, so I’m forced to welcome it in with open arms. Usually my mom and I meet at the shopping ‘HEA-VEN!’ which is South Coast Plaza for a day of shopping fun on my birthday, but do to crazy work schedules, we decided to postpone it one day this year and turn my big 3-0 into a 3-day extravaganza (culminating with my party on Saturday night).

So today I am forced to work. I worked an event until 8:30 last night (one which I got HEAPS OF PRAISE for and received comments such as “flawless”, I might add) and as a special treat today I was lucky enough to wake up to a 9 am presentation on our organization to about 150 people. Well, I have (what I found is a somewhat rare) talent for public speaking. It doesn’t bother me one bit and I’m often told that I’m good at it. I had many months of practice back in the Sea World days, and I can still recite mammalian characteristics while walking backwards, but I never understood the fear of public speaking that grips most people. So I go do that and BAM! Like Emeril, that’s done.

Next stop on my whirl wind birthday morning - a meeting with agencies that we may, or may not, hire to create a new brand “look and feel” for us. This is when something really interesting happens… A woman that I used to work for as a lowly account executive in my past agency life walks in to pitch her current company. SHE is pitching ME for MY bid’ness. She, who used to give me her FUCKING billing to enter because she was too “busy” to do it herself, is KISSING MY ASS and saying things such as “Give me a call! Let’s have coffee and catch up!”

Suddenly, I turned 30.

I think I can get used to this.

get that tissue out...

and read this:

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

So Long 20’s.. And Thanks for the Memories!

Today is my last day of being a 20 something. I guess I could look back at all the I’ve done this decade, graduated college (from SDSU THAT is feat in itself!), started my career, I fell in love, got married and had a baby.

Wow. I’ve been busy.

People keep telling me that the 30’s are the best decade, you are confident and secure in your own self. You are mature and people treat you with more respect. Interesting. So I’m going to wake up tomorrow and be mature? Hey, as long as I don’t wake up tomorrow and have a big wrinkle, I think that I will be OK.

Sigh, while I wish I was spending my last night of my 20’s getting sloshed and dancing around topless, alas, I will be working. Never Fear! I will welcome in my new decade in STYLE on Saturday night. But, I promise to keep my top on.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

The Jean Chronicles

The following is an excerpt from an email conversation today between my new converted ladies on the benefits and pitfall of their new purchases. YES, there are pitfalls to HOT ASSES. I just wanted to be 100% honest since I appear to have come across as a bit materialistic lately.

Also, for those keeping tabs, this conversation also promotes the benefits of lesbianism and thongs. I am about SO much more than jeans.

The Jean Chronicles:

From: Kelly Sent: Monday, April 11, 2005 12:27 PM
To: Beth ; Virginia; Carin Subject:
RE: The Jean Chronicles
I am just so happy that my HOT ASS jeans made Ian forget the price tag :) Thank you , oh great denim one, Beth

From: Virginia
Sent: Mon 4/11/2005 10:35 AM
To: Kelly ; Beth ; Carin Cc: Subject:
RE: The Jean Chronicles
Hmm, yours must have looked better than mine since my hubby is still wondering why anyone would spend $145 on jeans.

From: Kelly To: Virginia ; Beth E ; Carin
Sent: Tue Apr 12 12:07:39 2005
Subject: RE: The Jean Chronicles
Ian is just happy my best jeans aren't my Big Bottom jeans anymore :)

From: Carin
Sent: Tue 4/12/2005 12:56 PM
To: Kelly ; Virginia ; beth Cc:
Subject: Re: The Jean Chronicles
Yet another reason to have a wife...Hillary just used my purchase as a reason to buy an expensive pair for herself (although only $80 so cheap in comparison). I just wore my citizens to ATL to stretch them out!

From: Kelly
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2005 2:51 PM
To: Carin ; Virginia ; beth
Subject: RE: The Jean Chronicles
Well - I also didn't realize that my new expensive jeans demanded a whole new panty wardrobe. I spend another $50 on underwear. I guess I can't ignore my panty lines any longer . . .

From: Virginia
Sent: Tue 4/12/2005 12:59 PM
To: Kelly ; Carin ; beth Cc:
Subject: RE: The Jean Chronicles
Yeah, VPLs are not good. I highly recommend the CK thongs if you're going that route - very comfy.

From: Kelly
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2005 3:05 PM
To: Virginia ; Carin ;
Subject: RE: The Jean Chronicles
Well - I just bought the "Felina Low Rise" which I guess is the knock off of the famed Hanky Panky thong. We'll see how we do!Ok, blog-savvy chica, what are VPLs?

From: Virginia
To: Kelly ; Carin ; beth
Sent: Tue Apr 12 13:13:46 2005
Subject: RE: The Jean Chronicles
Visible Panty Lines :) And I love Felina lately - must check out the low rise...

From: Carin
Sent: Tue 4/12/2005 1:19 PM
To: Virginia ; Kelly ; beth Cc:
Subject: Re: The Jean Chronicles
I knew what VPLs where. Does that make me cool? I also have Felina low rise -- luv them!

Kelly wrote:
Oh good - I can't wait to try them on!I can't believe we are having a fashion email string without our own fashionista, Beth :)

Beth wrote:

Kelly - I'm weeping tears of joy that you know Hanky Pankys! You all DO listen when I ramble!

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Bright White Equations

Today we went lawn bowling at Balboa Park for Ian's birthday. We had to wear all or mostly white. The all white was easier for the women.. men don't tend to have white pants or shorts on hand, and actually upon further investigation, they don't really tend to have them anywhere except for $50 at J Crew. $50 for white shorts that Jay will wear once for a few hours of lawn bowling = wearing the khaki shorts he already owns.

Anyway, I was dressed to bowl in my solid white ensemble, yet there was no bowling for Beth. Just mommy duty for a 13-month old that would not sit still for 1 minute and found the dirt on the side of bowling area far more interesting that the gaggle of toys that were brought for his amusement.

So something else learned today - white outfit + toddler = not so white outfit anymore.

Lawn Bowling Posted by Hello

Friday, April 08, 2005

Resistance is Futile

My quest of conquering the jean problem facing women everywhere one hot ass at a time reached a monumental milestone today. Today, I helped Kelly by a HOT ASS pair of “Sevens.” With that purchase, I have brought one member of all the original “Poker Group” couples to the ‘denim side’ (hee hee.. yes, that was a stretch, I know.. but it’s somewhat funny…HEY- I’m married to a Star Wars geek, you must expect some of it to rub off!).

Now all my ladies are able to show off their righteous asses as god intended them to – with overpriced, yet perfect fitting, jeans.

P.S. - I compared my new eBay True Religion jeans side by side with TR's at Nordstom. I examined buttons and quiried the seams and pocket line. The result? They are REAL baby, 100% genuine REAL THINGS.

$215 jeans for $40.. Bow down and tell me how much you worship my godess-like shopping skills. WORSHIP ME AND MY SKILLS. I so rock.

Resistance is Futile

My quest of conquering the jean problem facing women everywhere one hot ass at a time reached a monumental milestone today. Today, I helped Kelly by a HOT ASS pair of “Sevens.” With that purchase, I have brought one member of all the original “Poker Group” couples to the ‘denim side’ (hee hee.. yes, that was a stretch, I know.. but it’s somewhat funny…HEY- I’m married to a Star Wars geek, you must expect some of it to rub off!).

Now all my ladies are able to show off their righteous asses as god intended them to – with overpriced, yet perfect fitting, jeans.

P.S. - I compared my new eBay True Religion jeans side by side with TR's at Nordstom. I examined buttons and quiried the seams and pocket line. The result? They are REAL baby, 100% genuine REAL THINGS.

$215 jeans for $40.. Bow down and tell me how much you worship my godess-like shopping skills. WORSHIP ME AND MY SKILLS. I so rock.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Who Needs Prozac When You Have Good Jeans?

After Jason sent me that bizarre blog a few days ago, a feeling of warmth washed over me knowing that there are people out there whose level of insanity immensely outweighs my own. I may have my quirks and obsessions but at least I don't publish daily posts to a blog that says "THE TREE CREEPS AND BEARS ARE WEARING WIGS!!!" (Even though I will admit, it's kinda fun and maybe I should). So I'm pretty feeling confidant that even though I am riddled with anxiety, I'm fairly normal.

That was before the workout outfit episode.

This particular episode actually started Wed. night when after a through exfoliation I went to town with my Neutrogena spray on tan. Hey - I'm almost 30 and while I LOVE a good tan, I don't want to look like my leather Coach bag in 10 years. Using my brains, here.. Fast Forward through the night and my whacked out dream of Jason and I on the “XTREME Amazing Race” where we are swimming 26.2 miles through an artic river at night before having to do an impromptu comedy routine in a hunters lodge in the middle of no where. And no, I was not drinking heavily nor did I take Advil cold and sinus before going to bed last night.

Running out of the house at 6:45 on this morning for a 7:00 event I grabbed stretch pants, my sneaker, sports bra and a blue J Crew t-shirt to wear to the gym today. I wanted to grab my capri Juicy sweats with the bleach stain on the one leg (thus relegating $80 sweat pants to gym clothes status), but they were still damp in the dryer. But a good thing, because while trying not to fall asleep at the event I was working this morning, I looked down to see my mottled fake tan ankle. I guess something went horribly wrong with my fake tan application last night, leaving half my ankle swathed in a bronzy glow, and the other half white as Wonder bread. Fantastic. Glad I was wearing pants today..

Fast forward again to 11:45 am. I'm trying to make a 12 noon pilates class. I dash to the bathroom to change and check myself out in the mirror. You would think that you can't go wrong with a t-shirt and stretch pants - but alas, I did. This was an outfit gone horribly wrong. It just didn't work. I can't even tell you why, it just didn't. It didn't work so much, that I almost put my work clothes back on and said "fuck it", but I didn't. I asked my officemate Marsi if it was offensive of me to walk out in public in the outfit and she assured me that it wasn't as bad as I thought. Hey, at least I wearing pants and covering the half tanned ankle.

So off I went. And of course on the one day that I'm overly self conscious, I'm taking a class where I am front and center in front of a mirror and forced to look at myself for 45 minutes. While I did do this pilates class (and it kicked my ASS), I spent the whole class not concentrating on pulling my belly button to my spine, but obsessing over making sure my blue t-shirt is statically covering my mid-section, which of course leads to thoughts of "why can't I just not eat?" and "maybe I should get some diet pills this weekend"... My neurosis totally possessing me and washing away my warm feeling of normalcy.

Shoving 60-hours worth of work into 30 this week, and my USPS tracking code telling me that my $200 jeans bought on eBay for $40 were waiting for me at home, I was counting down the minutes to 5 PM. I rushed home, praying that I would be able to get the jeans up my thighs. Good News. I did. And I got them up and buttoned. They are almost hot. They are 5 lbs away from being hot. I examined the jeans seam to button to figure out how the hell I got them for $40...

All in all, mental health challenges brought to a close by cute jeans. Sitting here with my chardonnay, I'm oh so ready for the weekend.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

One More Nugget for Today

My husband is hilarious.

As he is leaving work, he will quickly IM me "Secrest Out" before shutting down his computer.

It makes everything THAT MUCH easier to deal with when the person that you decided to dedicate your life to and have a family with is just as crazy as you are.

That Bridge…

You know that bridge outside of my office that I'm always talking about? The one that leads straight to the door of the Savvy department at Nordstom? Well, there is something about that bridge that I have failed to mention. Something, that up until last week, gave me a knot in my stomach every time I crossed that bridge.

A knot of guilt.

And no, not because I bought the $200 jeans on a whim one day... well, I did get the jeans (HOORAY! HUZZAH!) but from eBay for $40 and they currently (as of my 2:00 pm tracking report) at customs at LAX b/c they came from Hong Kong. No, I don't know if they were stolen and Yes, I'm hoping that I didn't somehow didn't just become part of some strange drug trafficking eBay/Hong Kong deal. All I know is that I got the $200 jeans that I have been LUSTING over for $40 and I hope I can get my ass in them.

But I digress...

The reason for my knot of guilt is that across that same bridge, equal distance from my office, is 24 Hour Fitness - the gym that I have been donating $12 a month to for the past 9 years. For about 6 of those years, I would not have considered my monthly dues a donation. It was a straight business transaction - I paid them to work out at their gyms. But the past 3 years have been a different story. In fact, before last Wednesday, I believe that it may have been about 18 months since the last time my body entered those sweaty doors.

How humiliating to admit?! I'm not going to even add up how much how much money that equals out to. AND DON'T YOU DO IT EITHER! Isn't it enough that I am baring my soul and telling you this now?!

The only reason that I'm even admitting this is because I need to give myself some PROPS. I have been going to the gym for an hour at lunch for the past week. And I like it. It helps to get me through the day and helps fight against hitting that 2:00 wall of despair. I've also lost 2 lbs since I've started this regimen.


That's all.

Crazy Nut Job

It just thrills me to bits when I realize that I'm really not alone in my insanity...

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

How Not to Get a Job

Send a cover letter that goes a little something like this:

Dear Sirs:
The opportunity to work with your company is of great motivational and professional dimensions. I can envision a strong team atmosphere, working to achieve the company’s goals while maintaining a high level of morale, with an emphasis on each individual’s ability to learn and grow within the company.

And while you are at it – title the attached resume “resume small-generic”

Monday, April 04, 2005

Just another beautiful day in San Diego... Posted by Hello

100 Hail Marys for this one...

An IM conversation that I had this morning with my co-worker Marsi:

beth: im watching the dead pope
marsi: awwww. I am kinda sad he died. Even though I didnt agree with his politics he seemed like kind of a sweet guy on a day to day basis
beth: Poland (where the pope is from) is asking for the pope's heart to be returned to Poland to be buried
beth: :-X
marsi: Oh.
marsi: Wow.
marsi: Just the heart, huh.
marsi: That is interesting.
beth: i think its kinda vile
beth: please rip him open and tear out his heart to return to us
marsi: Yeah, that is what i meant by interesting
beth: hehehee
beth: I mean, I can see why
beth: Poland is proud to have a native be pope
beth: but still
marsi: I realize that after you die your body is just a shell, but I kinda would hope to keep it all together. I guess unless you are an organ donor or something. Which I assume the pope wasn't. ;-)
beth: heehee
beth: yea - dont think he was
beth: i want to be cremated
beth: the thought of even my dead body being put in a box as worm food grosses me out
marsi: yes, cremation is the way to go, I think. Cabo was cremated. Can you imagine getting one of the popes organs? I wonder if every time you went to do something "bad" you would get a sharp pain in the liver or whatever...
beth: hehehee
beth: imagine what would happen the first time you scream "Jesus Christ!" when you banged your toe
marsi: ow, my liver!
beth: bolt of lightening would get you
marsi: mark of the cross appears
beth: talk about going straight to hell
marsi: speaking of hell - the time change is killing me. I am so tired

Does posting this count as a confession? I don't know these things.. remember I'm 1/2 Jewish.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Strawberry Shortcake

There are 2 things that always let me know that Spring and my birthday is here . The star jasmine in my parents back yard blooms and strawberries populate the produce section of the grocery stores and farmer's markets.

Something you may or may not know about me, strawberry shortcake is my absolute favorite dessert. I love the taste of sweet strawberries on some kind of yummy white cake with tons of whipped cream. Always have. Since I was old enough to make the choice, I have never had a traditional birthday cake - but strawberry shortcake. Growing up, my dad made them for me, and now as an adult, Carin makes them me with her own yummy recipe. I actually wanted strawberry shortcakes instead of a wedding cake, but the cake came with the package at the Prado (where we tied the knot), so I didn't really get the choice.

I'm actually making my own strawberry shortcake tonight.. I went to Vons for eggs and there they were - the first, fresh crop of strawberries were in, and I couldn't resist.

Alas, this also means that birthday is near... the big 3-0. I'm 12 days away from saying Sayonara from the blissful 20's. I keep telling myself that I'm going to be 30, flirty and fun..but it's not working. I'm a tad bit depressed about it. People keep telling me I shouldn't be - that I have a great husband and a beautiful baby... but leaving my 20's and being a mom, well.. I feel old. I was watching TV the other day and an ad for Oil of Olay wrinkle cream came on. I swear the tag line was something to the effect of "look like your 28".

OH MY GOD. Really? I've been under the impression that using my nighttime moisturizing wrinkle cream was me being good and "preventive", now all of a sudden I realize that no - I need to use it.

People keep telling me that your 30's are the best years., but I'm having a hard time believing this when all of a sudden wrinkle creams ads are directed at me.