Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Insanity is the only rational reason

Note to all pregnant woman and women with small babies – Never look at a toddler throwing a fit and say “My child will never do that”. Never see a 15 month old throw a sippy cup and think “Can’t they control their child?” Because let me tell you, it will come back to haunt you. And payback is a big, fat hairy BITCH.

Lucas was an astonishingly good baby. Jason and I GLOATED and REVELED in how easy he was, how portable and how flexible. No colic, no reflux, started sleeping through the night at 5 weeks. FIVE WEEKS. Yes, this was our amazing super baby. Of course we had moments. Our favorite one happened at about 2 weeks when Lucas was up from about 2-4 AM alternating between crying and nursing and then Mick went out into the living room and diarrheaed all over the wall in the living room (yes, pointed his ass right at it and let loose). But still we had super baby and we gloated.

Until we hit 14-months.

What the fuck happened?! Our angelic wonderboy was abducted and replaced with Satan’s spawn. I swear I can feel the spots on his head where his horns are going to pop out at any moment. The kid has been a mess. The tantrums, the throwing everything, his non-stop obsession with kitchen utensils leading to him actually BREAKING a baby lock to get at the pasta colander. The 2:00 on the dot meltdowns. The uncontrollable sobbing and flailing about. It’s killing us. Just killing us…

This weekend was especially bad. If you could have seen the little performance we put on during lunch yesterday… In my head I keep thinking that there must be something wrong with him. He was squeezing his ears a lot, so I was sure it was an ear infection.

I called the Dr. this morning and Lucas was wailing in the background, so they gave me an emergency appointment. We go to the Dr. – we throw a fit in the waiting room, then continue to SOB for 45 minutes as we wait for the pediatrician in the most UNFRIENDLY kid room I have ever been (no Lucas, don’t unplug one of those 10 huge black plugs in the wall, not Lucas a speculum is not a toy..). So finally in comes the Dr., he apologizes for making me wait and says that he heard Lucas bawling and he must be sick! Checks one ear.. perfect. Checks the other ear.. hmm, also perfect. He checks his stomach, his glands, his throat even his TESTICLES, all perfect.

The Dr. then turns to me and says “I’m sorry, there is nothing wrong with him.”

HE’S SORRY?! He’s confirming my worst fear – my child is not suffering from horrible malady, this is his personality.

Thursday Lucas and I are going to visit friends in Madison, WI (don’t worry, while there I do plan on giving Georgia-on-my-mind a stern lecture about keeping up a blog) which means a 4 hour plane ride with Lucas on my lap. By myself. Did I mention Lucas on my lap?

I MUST be insane.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Retraction

Dear San Diego -

Earlier this weekend I praised your beauty, your night life and the life-style that you offer. I gushed about your white sandy beaches rimming the great Pacific. I gloated about your cool restaurants and hip areas.

Please note, I want to formally retract all of those statements.

After a Sunday where 45 minutes WE STILL did not have a parking spot at the mall where we only wanted to exchange 1 shirt due to you OVERFLOWING with tourists that were pushed slightly inland from the beaches due to your "May Gray". And after a GORGEOUS Memorial Day where we could not get within throwing distance of a decent beach, once again due to the foreigners in tube socks with sandals and their Hawaiian shirts tucked into their dockers shorts, I remember why I have such a grudge against you.

The final straw? Swinging by a place that we thought we may be interested in renting (since, once again, even though we are WAY higher than the county's median household income, we STILL can't figure out how the fuck to buy a house) and have this $1750/month house be in the GHETTO. THE MOTHERFUCKING GHETTO PEOPLE. I did not even know that San Diego had "projects" until visiting this house.

So my dear San Diego, while you may be a "babe" - and every once in awhile I re-fall in love with you - I'm growing to hate you, and you $2.45 per gallon gas, more and more with each passing day.

Regards,
Beth

Happy Happy Birthday, Happy Happy Birthday

Today is Jason's 36th birthday. As our friends so nicely pointed out last night at dinner, he's over 1/2 way to 70. Considering that the average male's life expectancy is about 75, Jason is technically mid-life - will a crisis ensue? Will I be traded in for red Porche and a 25-year old? I seriously doubt it. If you don't know Jason personally, let me tell you this. He loves Lucas and I more than we will ever know. He's an amazing father and loving husband and we are lucky to have him in our lives.

I love you Jason, Have a wonderful day.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

I don't even know where to begin with this one..

If you saw Oprah last week, or saw one of the thousand clips that was repeated from the show, then I'm sure you two are worried about Katie Holmes' future...


FREE KATIE Posted by Hello

Which makes this t-shirt , all the funnier..

Greetings from San Diego!

We spend a lot of time bitching about living in San Diego. The gas prices, the house prices the "sunshine dollars" salaries.. but the truth is, we truly do live in America's Finest City. We totally take it for granted on a day-to-day basis.. I mean look at where we fucking live:

The cluster of houses on the top of the hill on the left is where we live. Yes, we are slumming it.. we know.

home
Originally uploaded by SDBeth.

This is

jasons_route
Originally uploaded by SDBeth.
literally Jason's drive to work daily


torrey pines
Originally uploaded by SDBeth.
This is the view that we see daily as we drive down the hill from our house. I will admit that it doesn't always look like this...the coast does tend to get socked in by fog during May and June.

So while we may never be able to own a $500K 2 bedroom condo, we really still have it pretty good.

every once in awhile we remember this. Like this weekend. Last night we went out to dinner and gellato with our friends from our childbirth class down in Little Italy. Embarrassingly enough, Jason and I have spent very little time in Little Italy. When we were single, it was still a pretty shady area right in the flight path of the airport. I knew that it has gone through a pretty good re-hab, but we've never really spent much time there. Last night after dinner we took a walk around the area and were SHOCKED at how cool it was. And stunned that we had never been there. It was a beautiful warmish (about 65) clear night and walking around we felt as if we were on vacation - someplace new and exciting and away from our "real life".

We continued that trend today by doing something that we really don't do that often, we went downtown to the Gaslamp District. Now in college - I practically lived downtown on the weekends. It is a hot spot for night clubs and hipster bars. But over the past few years downtown has EXPLODED due to the opening of PetCo Park (An AMAZING stadium I might add). Every time we are down there, there are new condos, new restaurants and new shops.

We decided to make like tourists today and walk around the Gaslamp and have an early dinner on the streetside patio of Rockin' Baja Lobster. Delicious buckets of shrimp and lobster and fajita and amazing margaritas. Lucas was even on good behavior - being very friendly with a funny middleaged African American woman who was the epitomy of they "Shaneqa" stereotype with her huge nails, pink sweatsuit and matching pink hat stratically placed so that her large bangs poufed out in the front. Lucas LOVED her. Thought she was hilarious (which indeed she was).

Its weekends like there where thousands of people descend on our city to vacation that we realize how lucky we are to live here and how much we really do love San Diego despite all it's challenges.


downtown_night1
Originally uploaded by SDBeth.

Downtown skyline at night

So who hates us now?

Friday, May 27, 2005

I want to make him stay up all night..

Sometimes Jason and I will be sitting on the couch watching TV after Lucas has gone to sleep and we will see a baby on TV, or tell a story about something cute he did that day, and we will miss him.

Before going to bed each night, we go in and check on him. Tuck him in and stroke his head a little.. he looks so peaceful, so sweet and so comfy. We literally have to fight the urge not to wake him up to hold him and cuddle him.

And every night before going to bed – either Jason or I has to sing at least one section of that Talking Heads song. It’s especially true when he has on his red pj’s – because he really looks so cute in his little red suit.

I treasure him at every point, every age and while I can’t wait for him to grow up, I wish he could stay a little forever.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Happy Dr. Irwin Mark Jacobs Day!

For those of you not in San Diego, and actually those not in the technology industry, you probably have no clue who Dr. Jacobs is. But today is his official day as declared in the city of San Diego.

Irwin Jacobs is the founder and CEO of QUALCOMM – pretty much the ONE man that technology industry in San Diego can be attributed to. And in case you were unaware – San Diego IS the WIRELESS CAPITAL OF THE WORLD. (can you tell that this is my job?)

Today we went to a lunch time event which indoctrinated Dr. Jacobs into one of our “sister” organization’s Hall of Fame. It was a rather bland affair to start (mainly because my boss told us that it started, and we had to be there, at 11. When in fact it didn’t start until noon and SHE didn’t show up until 11:45…), the hotel food was trying too hard to be avant-garde (note to kitchen staff, while polenta is yummy, it doesn’t really work out if it has to SIT THERE with chicken and artichoke hearts in sauce on top of it for 45 minutes before being served. Nice try though!) It was the usual speeches from over dressed ass kissers about how wonderful Dr. Jacobs is, how much he’s done for the community, etc. Blah Blah Blah. That was until Dr. Jacobs spoke himself..

Dr. Irwin Mark Jacobs (as he was addressed MANY times) was interviewed by a local talk show host that does stories on San Diego. In fact the interview was being taped for an upcoming show. He asked questions about his past, where he grew up and the events in his life that brought him to where he is today. That’s when it hits you. This is a normal guy, with a normal family that happened to develop a technology that changed the world – HOT DAMN.

He told the story of when he was just a professor (yes, at M.I.T) and how UCSD lured him out when the university just opened. He talked about his relationship with wife and how much they love each other, love their lives and are thrilled that they can give SO much to the places and people that helped them along the way. And you can’t help but think about it.

At 35 this guy had NO clue what he was to become and the mass amounts of wealth that he was going to have later in life. He started Qualcomm hoping to grow it to a company of 100 people! Now he is the 414th richest person on the planet – worth over 1.4 billion dollars. To me, it’s unimaginable. But it also gives me hope and makes me realize that where we are now, is not where we are going to be in 35 years… and you never know what crazy little idea you can have that may end up revolutionizing the world.

And when asked what his favorite part about his life in San Diego is, he simply replied that it was taking long walks down La Jolla Shores with his wife… and every time they get to the end of the beach they promise each other that next year this is were they will come to vacation.

So now I’m off to a monthly telecom networking event, and you can be sure that I will have a glass of wine to toast Dr. Irwin Mark Jacobs day!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

It is my duty to make sure you are still hip, with-it and somewhat cool...

Every once in awhile, my FAVORITE ezine Daily Candy, comes out with their "lexicon" edition. These are the new, hot trendy phrases and words rocking the "cool scene" - plus they are downright funny and great to use in passing.

Some old time favorites include "Plus One" (a description of someone who is just along for the ride. "Poor Brit, Kevin Federline is SUCH a plus-one.") and my personal favorite "Teenile" (a person who dresses WELL below her age allows. I'm very big on "age appropriateness", even though I too struggle with it and have to mentally not allow myself to wonder into Forever 21).

Today - the Daily Candy published some new MUST KNOW lexicons, and because I KNOW you all look to me for trend advice, I am passing them onto you. You can thank me later.

dressed to spill
adj. 1. Used to describe a woman's precarious and flirtatious state of dress, wherein a great deal more than cleavage will likely be revealed. (Look at Alexis's nonexistent top. That girl is dressed to spill tonight!)

hybris
n. Excessive pride based solely on one's hybrid car.

margariter
v. To serve a margarita for the express purpose of loosening up. Alt. margaritim. (He's just sitting in the corner, Sally. If you're interested you're going to have to margaritim.)

p.u.i.
n. planning under the influence - the act of plan-making late in the evening, especially with friends, for next-day activities, such as shopping on Melrose and brunch.

restaur-romp
n. A date that gets out of hand at a dinner table and/or bar area. (After two bottles of wine my date turned into a full-on restaur-romp.)

self-valetdation
n. Every now and then, when one parks on one's own, just to get away from it all.

Saturday night fever
n. Often followed by a real fever, the delirium that comes over some women as they get (un)dressed for a Saturday night on the town, believing that the temperature is as much as twenty degrees warmer than it actually is.

Have fun with your new vocabulary!

The PMS

How PMSie am I?

- I got 'veclempt' at the end of Star Wars
- I bawled last night while watching "Rob and Amber Get Married"

I'm officially insane.

Monday, May 23, 2005


Nothing like a real nice day at the beach, to make you feel so fine... Posted by Hello

Shaken

We went to visit my parents in LA yesterday, drop off Lucas and sneak out to go see Star Wars. It was a good day – up and back. As we were driving back last night, discussing the various points and questions (I had) about the movie. We were happily going along with Lucas “BAH-ing” in the back when a little, yellow, sports motorcycle cuts right in front of us in the carpool lane, causing Jason to slam on his breaks a bit. The guy was being completely unsafe, so Jason flashed his brights at the biker boy as to say “slow down!”.

The biker then slowed down, so much so that we were right on his tail again and we had to drastically decrease our speed. At this point the carpool lane was 2 lanes, merging into one. The biker pulls in the lane that’s about to merge, slows down so that he is next to us and gives us the finger. At that point, Jason speeds up a bit – just to get away from the asshole. Well, the biker dropped back, came up along the passenger side of our Xterra, and HIT our car with his hand. I reached for my cell phone to call the CHPs, when the biker guy takes off speeding and weaving in out of traffic. Jason speeds up a bit to get the license plate number, the biker is a few lanes over, drops back again, pulls something out of his pocket, then pulls along side our car again and keys the entire passenger side of our car. He then gives us the finger again and takes off going about 95 mph.

Needless to say, I was totally freaked out. The CHP put out a bulletin and we have to go in today and fill out a formal statement. We have a deep scratch stretching almost the entire length of our car…

While, of course I was totally shaken by the experience, when I got out and saw that this jack ass did this on the side of the car that Lucas sits on. I’m also totally freaked out because our car (due to its smurfish hue) is very visible. What if I run into this jerk again when I’m driving? Alone or with Lucas? What if I was driving last night instead of Jason – what would I have done?

This biker boy literally bet his life on us last night. He bet that we wouldn’t do anything as he was assaulting our car. If Jason would have moved the car over 2 inches to the right, the biker would have been a highway pancake.

These are the types of things in life that can push you over the edge with anxiety. These are types of scenarios that you “fear” of having but that people will tell you never will. These are the things that push me closer and closer to that proverbial edge. And keep me further and further away from being able to stop taking medication…

Friday, May 20, 2005

Note to my white shrunken blazer…

Dear White Shrunken Blazer,

I know that when I first bought you I was a little apprehensive about you. I mean, you are WHITE and I have a toddler! Plus, your small “shrunken” cut meant that I had to buy you in a size bigger than normal – which you KNOW I hate to do. But there was something about you that made me keep you.

WSB (can I call you that now that we are more personal terms?) – let me tell you how happy I am that you are in my life. I don’t know how my spring/summer wardrobe would have been possible had you not been a part of it. I wore you to the Opera and you looked dressy. I wore you with Capri jeans, and you like stylie. I wear you with black pants and I look professional (yet cute).

When nothing else seems to look right.. When I feel fat and bloated… WSB you are there for me.
Thank you so much for your diligent service, and I PROMISE to never drink red wine in your presence.

Love always, or at least until I stain you so bad that you are rendered unwearable,
Beth

Thursday, May 19, 2005

People I was in meetings with today:

A man resembling Robin Williams that had on a blue, orange and brown striped shirt, with a paisley tie.

A bald man with a huge spot of discoloration on his shiny forehand, probably where hair used to be.

A skinny assistant with a horrible nose job, but good hair, that looked even more bored than I was.

And finally…

A SHEMALE
I freaked when I went over and thought I was introducing myself to a tackily dressed tall lady – boy was I surprised when SHIM turned around and said with a booming deep voice “Hello, plea-surre to meet you..” (Think “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me.. PRECIOUS”). While it startled me for a moment, I wasn’t creeped out. But I was strangely amused by the conversation SHIM was having with another lady about which “season” SHIMs coloring was and how lucky she/he was that they could wear both silver and gold.

Yup – Interesting day.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Wondering..

Is it odd that I can not remember my phone number at work to SAVE MY LIFE, but I have no problem remembering the numbers on my Visa Check Card?

Speaking of Llamas...


ok, if you want to be technical, this is an alpaca (www.ilovealpacas.com) Posted by Hello

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

TAG – I’m It

I’ve been tagged by Nikki , who, BTW, just got her 14-month old her first “juicy suit” in SCUBA, which is the color of my new Juicy suit. LOVE IT.

Okay – here is the deal:

I have been tagged, and I will pass on the favor to the 3 at the bottom. The rules are simple, when you're tagged, choose 5 items from the list to write about. Then tag 3 others…

If I could be a scientist...

If I could be a farmer...

If I could be a doctor...

If I could be a painter...

I would paint beautiful little murals on baby’s nurseries..

If I could be a gardener... I would grow this:


hell yea Posted by Hello

If I could be a missionary...

If I could be an athlete... I would be an Olympic diver. I’ve always wished that I would have worked my ass off swimming to go to the Olympics, alas I wanted to be a cheerleader.

If I could be a lawyer...

If I could be an innkeeper.- I would have a bed and breakfast along the Californian coast

If I could be a professor...

If I could be a writer...I be a columnist for Lucky Magazine – DREAM JOB

If I could be a llama rider...No, wait. LLAMA RIDER - dream job!

If I could be a bonnie pirate...

If I could be an astronaut...

If I could be a world famous blogger...

If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...

If I could be married to any current famous political figure...


So now I will tag:

Libby

Stacy

Jason

And an honoraree 4th Tagee ..
Sandgril

Saturday, May 14, 2005


How Many of YOU Have Ever Kissed Someone That Has Won A Grammy? Posted by Hello

Friday, May 13, 2005

I had a little horsey named Paul Revere, Just me and my horsey and a quart of beer...

A few years ago I reconnected with one of my best friend's from elementary school, Ann - you know, my Fan From Sudan. We were curious as to what all our other 6th grade homies from The Open School were up to, so we started Googling people to see if we could find out any information.

Of COURSE, the first person I googled was my 6th grade boyfriend Ulises Bella. Now at the time I didn't have my never-date-a-musician rule in place, and Ulises was this very cute and serious Spanish boy who played the Clarinet. Now this was 6th grade, but he was my square dancing partner and we occasionally got together with Zachary Roth and Debbie Linden to watch scary movies in the dark. And yes, I am proud to say that Ulises was my first "real" kiss. Knowing that he ended up going to a school for performing arts, I was interested to see where he landed. I was thinking probably in and orchestra somewhere, I mean that's where people who play the clarinet end up, right?

Oh. I was SO WRONG on this one.

Turns out that Ulises now goes by "Uli" and is one of the front men for Ozomatli - one of my favorite bands. The freaky part is that I've seen Ozo about 5 times, and never ONCE did I think "Huh, that guy looks familiar to me". I FREAKED out, MY FIRST BOYFRIEND IS IN A FAMOUS BAND. One that makes money and wins grammys!! HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT?!

I think that I realized this while pregnant, so we've missed them the last few times that they were town. This week the House of Blues opened in downtown San Diego - and the band playing the first weekend? Ozo!! I told Jason that for Mother's Day I wanted to see Ozo, so we go online to see if there are tickets left. Turns out that the show is being promoted by Motorola, one of the sponsors for the organization I work for. I call my girl over there, tell her my little 6th grade boyfriend story and WHADDA' YA KNOW - we got tickets for the show and the VIP reception. Look at us, going to the hottest new venue on opening weekend with VIP tickets. We are the shiz-nit.

The House of Blues is amazing - it's a big enough to see a good show, but small enough that you can see the band and be right there with them. We ended up with some extra tickets, so Marsi from work, BK, Alyssa and Hardy joined us for the fun. While the VIP reception wasn't really all that, it did provide 2 hours of free drinks. Very important considering 2 red bull vodka's were going for $23! (WTF?! I wasn't aware that we had another potato famine that had forced the price of vodka to skyrocket. Are the Saudi's controlling that also?) So we drink up.

The first band consisted of 2 out of the 23 Marley brothers and man on stage in sweats waving a large rastafarian flag. Literally - that's all this guy did was stand on the stage and wave a flag for an hour. It was actually quite impressive, and after about 30 minutes we decided that this man had the best job in the universe. "So, what is your role in the band?" "I wave da' flag, mon." Fuck yea.

Then at about 10:30, Ozo takes the stage. If you have never had the chance to see them live - you MUST. They are arguably the best band I have ever seen live. They are an impressive 10 or so piece ensemble with everything raging from the saxophone to a DJ. They ROCK. Plus, more importantly, they are FUN. You can dance and sing and jump around.

So we spend 1/2 the show in the VIP area upstairs then decide that we need to be down in the action. Of course we head over to the side of the stage where my boy Uli was playing. I was dying to see him and say hi. Jason pushed his way up to the front for us (like any good husband would do when his wife's ex boyfriend from 6th grade is a GRAMMY WINNER). So there we are - about 5 ft away from him. And SOMEHOW I shout out "ULISES!" and he looks down and shouts back "OPEN SCHOOL BETH! I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU!" reaches out and squeezes my hand and then holds up 6 fingers and mouths the words "6th GRADE!" and laughs.

Now, I had been wondering all week if given the chance to say hi to him, if he would even recognize or remember me. I mean, we were each other's first kiss, but do boy's remember those things like girls? Plus it had been 18 years since I had seen him last. I didn't recognize him those times we saw Ozo before, would he even know who I was? So the fact that saw me from stage - and recognized me was huge. Guess my 12 year old self left quite the impression on the boy...

Ozo finished up their 2 hour set with a marching band-ease tromp through the crowd that landed them right by the backstage door near where were standing. Ulises waved as he walked by, then went backstage. So hoping that he would come out and say hi, we waited kinda by the door. And he did.

We talked for about 15 minutes about who we still kept in touch with, who we had heard about, etc. I told him my story about being a fan of Ozo way before even knowing that he was in the band. He told us about his wild ride with Ozo and how they just got back from Mexico where they did a show with Santana. I told him my mom said to say hi to his mom, and he told me to say hi to my parents. He gave a shout out to Mrs. Truitt and Mrs. Zaidner - our 6th grade teachers, and we took a picture.. it was a great little chat. The one thing I regret is not giving him my email address or getting his - I would have loved to have talked more.

Seeing Ulises brought back a lot of memories. Memories of a time of innocence. When a simple kiss was the most exciting thing in the world. My favorite memory of Ulises was on our last day of 6th grade, we were walking to a park a few blocks away from our school for the annual last day of school picnic. Ulises had his little walkman with his brand new Beastie Boys "License to Ill" tape. We had taken the headphones off the medal headband so that I could have one earpiece and he could have the other, and we kept playing and then rewinding "Paul Revere" and rapping along, talking about how the Beastie Boys were the coolest band EVER. Two 12 year olds, walking down the street, never imagining that 18 years later one of us would be part of a band which in my opinion is just as cool as the Beasties..

Thursday, May 12, 2005

No Duffle Bag Needed

A few months ago I first told you about the fun “parties” at Carin and Hillary’s neighbor's house. Last Saturday night, as we pulled up to C and H’s house and were ecstatic to see the two flags, flapping in the breeze, signaling that it was party time. That meant on top of delicious Phil’s BBQ (arguably the BEST ribs in San Diego) we were going to be entertained throughout the night by the “leatherettes” and their endless trains of duffle bags. What the duffle bags are holding is still left to the imagination.

YES! This was going to be a fun night.

We put Lucas to bed in the pack n’ play and we are all sitting around chatting, drinking wine, smoking the hookah (TABACCO PEOPLE. It was apple delight TABACCO) when this large black truck comes creeping by the window looking for parking. This truck was huge – lifted with big off road tires. And the man driving the truck looked straight out of ad for your stereotypical Harley guy. Long hair, long beard… you get the picture. But as the big black beast of a truck flipped a U-Turn in front of the bay widow we were voyeuristically staring out of we caught a glimpse of the back side of the truck. And there in big white letters read the words:
BIG DADDY.

And BIG DADDY didn’t take no duffle bag into the party…

Randomness

A black fly in my chardonnay..
So we’ve been searching out Day Care Centers for Lucas, but I’ve been feeling guilty about “cheating” on our nanny. Then yesterday when I got home and Melissa left, he started crying. That KILLED me. How was I going to take away his precious Melissa? Well, this morning Melissa gave her 2 weeks – her and her fiancée are moving to Oregon. Problem solved.

Hhhmmm..
Did you know that under formatting in MS Word there is an option for “Asian Layout”?

Talking Back..
Due to popular demand, I’ve re-opened my comments to everyone. Please people, be nice. I’m sensitive.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

No, We Really Don’t Have This Much Time On Our Hands and No, We Don’t Do Drugs

This morning we had an event. One that I will add was wonderfully produced/executed by MY HUSBAND (Snaps to Jason). While making a nametag for himself, one of the attendees put his Starbucks cup down, and the hot sleeve thing scooted down the cup. When Mr. Attendee picked up said cup to take it with him, the lonely sleeve was left behind on the registration table.

Poor Sleeve.

While sitting there, with no hot cup to protect delicate hands from, my colleague Marsi noticed how much Starbuck’s hot sleeves look like Pope Hats. And, of course, because it is every ones secret dream to be able to wear a pope hat, she wanted desperately to put the little sleeve on her head and become Pope Half-Caf Mochachinno Soy Latte the thirteenth.

Alas, we waited until all the attendee for the event went inside and we shut the door. Then, because the caramel scented smoke began to rise, signaling that a new Starbucks Pope had been elected (duh, if it was Vanilla scented that would mean that no decision had been made), she was crowed Pope Mochachinno at last.


ALL HAIL POPE HALF-CAF MOCHACHINNO SOY LATTE THE THIRTEENTH. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Just wondering..

a) Do you think that if you work part time that you should be paid less (on an "hourly" basis) than people that work full time just b/c they let you go part time?

b) Does anyone get or understand the various references to songs and movie/TV lines that I use as headers and post titles?

One thing leads to another

I’ve had one of THOSE days. No time to breathe, eat or pee all day. The 4:00 hits you like a ton of bricks. I have not stopped one day. And worse it’s been one of those days where you are in the middle of one project, then you stop to look up something with leads to something else you needed to do yesterday, so you do that, which leads to an email string with people about something else, which leads to you having to talk to someone on the phone, which leaves you a moment where you are staring at your computer blankly thinking “What the fuck was I even doing to begin with?”

I hate these days because you feel as if you are loosing your mind. I love my 3-day work weeks, but I’ll tell ya’, Tuesdays are a bitch. But at least there is AMAZING RACE – GO ROB AND AMBER!

So with the Tuesdays are a bitch thing and the fact that the ONE good thing about Tuesday is season finaling tonight, a decision was made. I’m going to be working on Mondays again.

Yes yes.. bye bye “foo foo work schedule” – and hello “MONDAY SUCKS” again. It’s for the best. Lucas is older and we are going to be de-sheltering him from his secluded little life of home with Mommy or Melissa (nanny) all day. It’s big boy time. He SO needs it too. He’s bored at home these days, no matter how funny it is the first time I dance around singing Neil Diamonds tunes, it’s not really “stimulating” enough for him anymore. He’s moved beyond the stage of just needing food, diaper changes and love. He now needs structure, rules and playtime with buddies.

People keep asking me how I’m doing with this decision. To be honest, I’m sad. Not sad that he’s going to a center – not at all. But sad that my little baby is growing so quickly. Sad that he is already ready to go off and have adventures without me and be taught things that I didn’t teach him. Sad that before I know he will be in Kindergarten, then Jr. High School, then High School…

It’s a happy kind of sad, but it’s just hard to accept that he’s already ready for more than I can offer.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Follow-Up on the Fish Tacos

They Sucked.

I hate cooking. I think from now on I will sit on the couch and drink wine while Jason cooks.

Being Naughty and Being Blonde

I was a bit naughty today. See, I'm making beer battered fish tacos for dinner tonight, and the recipe called for 1 cup of beer. Hmmm.. that leaves about 1/2 the bottle left over. What to do, what to do?? So I drank it. No big deal, huh? Yea, I was making the batter at about 1:00 pm.

I was also very blonde today. I was working away from home, trying to figure out why this guy is getting SPAM in his email account that he set up specifically for use with our organization. INTERNET SECURITY is important (FYI - the ALL CAPS denotes foreshadowing). So then all of a sudden an IM popped up from a guy I worked with on a project 2 Years ago. It was a funny IM that said "Hey, thought you would like to see this" and the "this" was a hyperlink. My immediate thought was "oh, how sweet! I haven't heard from him in years!" as I clicked on the link. Yup - downloaded myself a good 'ole virus. PROOF that I'm a natural blonde.

Spent the better half of the afternoon on calls with my IT and trying to download new things that will kill the virus (yes, not techie, "things" is a great word to describe what I was trying to download). So now my computer begins to scan for viruses. The first one it finds is Trojan.Vundo 3 - I tell my IT guy and ask if that's what this new one is called. His response?

"Oh, that's an old one - you must have had that on your computer for a few months at least."

Um. Hmmm. Let's see here. ISN'T IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO MAKE SURE THAT I DON'T THESE THINGS AND WHEN I DO TO GET RID OF IT IMMEDIATELY?"

Now, were a small organization with only 4 people, so he's a contract IT guy and not in our office every day. But, the last FIVE times he was in the office I told him my 6 month old computer was acting funny and could he check to see if I have a virus or something.

Moral of this story?
It's okay to be a little naughty (GOD DAMN was I happy I had that 1/2 beer before talking to that nutjob), It's okay to be blonde. But, IT'S NOT OKAY TO BE A DUMBASS THAT CAN'T DO THE ONE THING YOU ARE HIRED TO DO.

Oh and moral #2?
If you get a strange email from me asking you to look at some hyperlink, don't open it. At least not for awhile.

I think I need another beer.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

I'll Have a Mimosa - but without the orange juice, and instead of champagne, I'll have some Scotch

AAHHH Mother's Day... the second one in which I too, am celebrated.

As per tradition, we met my family half way in Newport Beach for lunch. It was a beautiful day, and we sat outside and watched the yachts go by... But lunch with my parents on some kind of holiday is always *interesting*. At least any holiday where gifts are involved.

Jason and I don't always give each other gifts for things besides birthdays (although I did get a beautiful necklace with Lucas' initials on it for my first mother's day last year). The reason being a) we have a joint checking account and b) we are rarely fully satisfied with a "surprise" gift, so we end up "placing orders" and since we share money anyway, why didn't I just go buy it for myself?

I know that it should be the whole "thought that counts", but that's total bullshit. If you are married/in long relationship with someone, the rationale should be that the person buying the gift should KNOW the likes/dislikes of the other person. I mean COME ON. You spend everyday with them and you are at the mall/target/watching TV/reading magazines with or next to this person on a regular basis. They should know about something that you are lusting over and they should know what a good present (in your opinion) entails. No? Am, I asking too much here? I mean what would you think if your husband bought you yoga mat spray and hemp body lotion from The Body Shop and you don't do yoga and have NEVER set foot in The Body Shop with him ever?

Maybe it's me. I'm pretty jaded when it comes to presents and I've realized recently that my anxiety towards gift giving stems from my father (as do MANY other neurosis, but I'll spare you those details). The thing is, my father is one of the WORST gift givers in the universe. His give giving theory is the antithesis of "the thought that counts". I can not remember a time where he has gotten anyone what they actually wanted. When I was 8 I wanted a 10 speed bike. I got a BMX dirt bike. That's a prime example of my father. He doesn't get you what you want, but what he thinks you should have. Occasionally it's worked out for the better, but most of the time you just deal with something that you really didn't want.

Okay, this is the part where you can be thinking that I'm a huge selfish bitch. But if you are going to make the effort to get someone a nice present, wouldn't you get them EXACTLY what they want? I'm not talking about not being able to afford something and going with the cheaper model, I'm talking about telling someone that you want a silver Swiss Amy Watch and getting a gold Rolex.

It's just hard to never get what you want. And it's hard to try to be happy year after year when "your present" is not yours at all. So this year, my dad got my mom a 5.1 Cybershot digital camera. It's a beautiful slim camera about the size of a cell phone that also takes Mpeg movies. The problem? My mom has a one year old digital camera that neither of them know how to use.

The best part was when, 1/2 way through lunch my Mom goes for the camera to take a picture. Only be to be told not to touch and to use the other camera.

Happy Mother's Day! Here is a present that you didn't want and can't even touch!

All I can say - THANK GOD for chardonnay.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Weekend Wishes

I've been sitting here today thinking. Thinking of things that would make my life easier and better, at least at this very moment.

So here is the question.

If you could have ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. One thing, to land on your lap right now as you are reading my blog, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

For me? To have Mr. Mailman deliver a large check (as in sum of money, not as in Ed McMahon is at my door) in the mail today/tomorrow.

Actually, upon second thought, a small check wouldn't be bad either...

FAR! They’ve been traveling FAR!

This morning on the Today Show, Neil Diamond was on. THANK GOD I was home for that. He sang, of course, “Coming to America” and “Sweet Caroline.” Yes, you would think that after 20+ years he would have updated his repertoire, but I guess the FANS demand these songs of him.

So, because of my superpower and the fact that we sang “Coming to America” for my 6th grade graduation, I broke out into song. And Lucas broke out in hysteria. Apparently Neil Diamond is vastly amusing to 14 month olds (we all knew there had to be a reason for his continued popularity). Lucas even broke out in applause during “Sweet Caroline” – clapping along during the famous “do do do” section.

Guess we are hitting up iTunes this weekend to download some Neil for Lucas’ playlist.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Go white boy, go white boy, GO!

Move JT - there is a new king in town..

http://www.glumbert.com/media/dancewhiteboy.html

If You’re Happy and You Know It Clap Your Hands!

“What to Expect The First Year” listed clapping as an accomplishment of about 8-9 months. All the other babies at Tumbles sit nicely in a circle and clap their chubby little hands. But Lucas, noooo he was WAY too busy for that clapping bullshit. He would rather refine his walking and climbing motor skills.

But now it had gotten to the point of paranoia. While some of his skills are under “month 16”, we were still lacking on some of the easier ones. Fear and anxiety were taking hold. WHY WOULDN’T THE KID CLAP? Why does he give you that look that says “You guys are idiots” every time we try to show him how to bang his 2 hands together?

Then last night, Jason said something and started laughing and clapped his hands – and SO DID LUCAS. The rest of the night was spent saying “yayyyyy!!!” and clapping so that he would imitate. He was so impressed with himself.

It was so DAMN cute.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Beth! You Just Had A GREAT Review! You Just Got Raise! What are you going to DO?

Um, fuck off on the internets?

The Meme Game – Part Deux. I got questions*** and I gave answers. Post if you want questions of your own.

1. What color are your toenails right now?
"French” pedicure.. but ghetto French b/c its chipping and I really need to get a pedi. I should not be wearing sandals, but I still am.

2. Name a movie that you saw as a child, found magical, then saw as an adult and decided that you should have simply savored the memory because the movie? Sucked.
How about as a teenager? Ages 13-15 I went to Sea Camp every summer. 30 days of scuba diving on Catalina Island.. it was magical. We used to watch “The Big Blue” with Rosanna Arquette and Jean Reno and HOTTIE Luc Besson. I LOVED it. About 2 years ago I was THRILLED to discover that it was on HBO one night. I made a whole night around Jason and I watching it. I was so excited.. While still visually stunning, the plot had MAJOR holes and the dialogue was amazingly stupid. I was crestfallen. On a side note – my best friend from when I was 15 (hi Eli!) sent me the DVD a few years back. Directors cut = ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MOVIE. And it was actually good again.

3. How many weddings have you been in? Describe the worst dress.
Four. The dresses actually have not been that bad. I escaped the wedding years w/out ever having to wear puffy sleeves. Thank god for living in CA.

4. You just became the CEO of your own company. What are the first three Human Resources policies you'll implement?
Aloha Fridays and a 9/80 (80 hours in 9 days, every other Friday off) schedule. Everyone loves a Hawaiian shirt – but not as much as a 3-day weekend.

5. Since your husband took care of my Crit final, how many hours should I spend studying for my English final, given that NOTHING I do makes my teacher happy?
Study for finals? I’m sorry, I went to San Diego State… I don’t understand this word you use “stud-dy”. OH! Is that when you meet at Monty’s (on campus pub for you non-Aztecs) and drink a pitcher with your books open?

*** Questions cutosey of Stacy (http://stacyone.typepad.com/slices_ostacy/2005/05/i_always_wanted.html#comments)
yea, i know how to link it, but I'm lazy today...

Yay Me

I just had my annual review, and its official – I’m GREAT. It’s on paper, signed and dated that Beth is “VERY GOOD” at almost everything. Some things I am "EXCELLENT" at.

Also received a 6% raise but am also going to start working Mondays again (35 hours), and I’m fine with that. Adding the 6% raise and additional 5 hours is something like $10K more a year for us.

I GUESS I can do that. ;-)

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Lucas' one man army fighting for the pursuit of being an only child

STOP POLICE! SOMEONE HAS KIDNAPPED MY CHILD!!

I know that this little 14-month old looks like my kid, I know he's about the same weight, same height and has the same big brown eyes, but I swear. THIS IS NOT MY CHILD.

My child is happy and laughs a lot. My child smiles and runs towards you for big hugs. My child eats, WITHOUT throwing everything on the floor. My child naps and loves going in the car. This IMPOSTER child that someone left me with shrieks this high-pitch squeal that simultaneously makes Jason's testicles retreat up into his body and is pushing me into early menopause. This THING that looks like my child throws his nicely prepared meals on the floor while wailing at the top of his lungs - at home and in restaurants. This FAKE is always miserable, throwing himself on floor in tantrums over I DON'T KNOW WHAT.

DAMN YOU MONTH 14! I WANT MY PERFECT BABY BACK!

At Tumbles today one of the "Funner Trainer" said something to effect of "Watch out for him when he's 2" (THANKS BITCH).. but 2, I'm MORTIFIED of 16.

Conundrum

Do I go back to work full-time? Do we put Lucas in a daycare center opposed to our Nanny? Do I go back to work and work hard and make more money so that I “put in my time” at work before baby #2? What if I never am able to get my special “deal” back? What if I’m really sick the first trimester with #2 and don’t want to work full time. Will I regret it? But we need a new car for Jason, and we SO want to buy a house.. More $$ would be SO nice. But my Mondays and Fridays with Lucas are SO nice. Does he need more structure these days? Is he bored and not learning enough being at home? He still isn’t really talking and all the stupid books say that he should be saying at least 4 words by now. Maybe if he was in a different environment he would thrive. I don’t want to inhibit his growth and development to be stunted..do we not do enough educational activities with him? We do flash cards, but he seems so disinterested! He’s been throwing fits – are we not good parents? Do I get one of those baby leashes? I hate people with baby leashes, but when I take him out of the stroller he runs off. Is this a stage or his personality? Am I raising a brat? Will a day care center be good for him? Or will he hate it? Will he scream hysterically when I leave? Will he always hate us from taking his beloved Melissa (nanny) away from him? God, am I really considering going back to work full time right before the summer? Am I STUPID?! Is it stupid not to work full time? Am I putting my selfish “need” of time with my little boy before the general welfare of our family as a whole? What is “enough money” to make going back to work full time worth it? How can I put a price on time with my child? Why is life so difficult? Is it this difficult for everyone, or only us?